a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
