Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
