By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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