and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
