I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
