Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
