We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
