I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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