Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
