Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
