Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
