the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
