You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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