well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize