I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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