Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
