Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
