Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
