So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Houston, we have a squirter
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
