Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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