a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Duck Duck Cougar?
someone owes me an orgasm
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
