Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
