Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
