I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
