My room smells like vodka and shame
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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