of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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