Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
