just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
