Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
