i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She told me I should be a condom model.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
