I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize