we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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