Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
