is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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