I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
