Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This house was built for laser tag.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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