Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
