okay pat passed out under dana's car
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
