sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize