Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
