Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
