You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
