as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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