Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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