He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
