Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
