my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
