dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
