i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
