Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize