Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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