i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
