I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
