1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
