I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
