I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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