just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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