His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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