I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
