I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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