I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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