it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
