hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
