u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
