hotel room ftw
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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